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Lisa Goldman, iVillage. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single, attractive, heterosexual woman over the age of 40 must be in need of a man.

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Or so Carrie Brhaw would have you believe; and she is mostly right. We all have fulfilling careers, lots of good friends and interesting lives.

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The search is a kind of journey, and along the way you tend to learn a few things about yourself, and about the society we live in. Maybe you would prefer to hang out at cafes, museums, film festivals and art galleries. Perhaps the benefit of not haemorrhaging energy into family stresses?

Sometimes I wonder if we convince ourselves we want children without really examining it. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Loveexplains in her follow-up memoir, Commitmentthat she loved her nieces and nephews but did not want children of her own.

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And in theory, that is sound. But remember that newly-divorced men come with a lot of baggage. They can be bitter.

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They might not know how to take care of themselves, and they might have complicated custody issues that keep them from travelling. Look before your leap.

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You might come to realize that marriage is not for everyone I have plenty of happily married friends; but a couple of my closest friends compromised their happiness because they were afraid to be alone. Even your feminist friends will treat your single state as a project they need to fix …and they will spend much creative energy trying to find you a match.

6 things you need to know about starting a relationship after 40

Where are the normal single men hiding? I want sex more than my husband: Am I normal?

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